As November and December come upon us, there is usually a stretch of holidays that include Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day (or other holidays for different religions and cultures). There is this expectation and assumption that joy is in the air and people should be happy during the holidays. What if this is not true for you? The myth is that there are higher rates of suicide during the holiday season and thankfully this is not true! The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have debunked this myth and there is actually the lowest suicide rates in December! While that may be good news, this does not necessarily mean that people are not suffering emotionally during the holidays. Here are a few reasons why and what we can do about it:

1.     The contrast between a person’s mood is highlighted during the holidays.

I think about Valentine’s Day as an example of how some people may relish in this hallmark day of “love” while other people are coming together for “Single Awareness Day” (which I might add happens to have an acronym that spells out SAD). In the Korean culture, some people go as far as to eat this black sauce noodle called “Jajangmyeon” (which is really delicious by the way!) to symbolically consume the “darkness” of being painfully aware of their single status. This may also be true during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day for other people. There are many movies and advertisements with pictures of happy families and delicious food which sets the tone that everyone should feel the same way. When that is not peoples’ reality, they also have an emphasized awareness of this stark difference with their experience which causes distress.

2.     Traumatic experiences or anniversaries may have occurred during the holidays. 

This is a very common pattern for many of the clients that I have worked with which is the unfortunate reality that something tragic occurred during the holidays. The traumatic experiences can range from divorce, death of loved ones, and other losses in which the holidays are painful reminder of those tragedies. What was supposed to be a wonderful memory has now been tainted with pain.

3.     Increased anxiety and stress about meeting holiday expectations.

Now I am not against holiday traditions but I have noticed an increase in stress during this time. For example, a common practice in Christmas is the giving and receiving of gifts. There is this expectation that people need to have large sum of money in order to buy wonderful gifts to show their love to their children and family members. I have heard of tragic situations where people go into excessive debt just to meet this expectation (which is why my wife and I have decided against the exchange of gifts for Christmas!). This may be true with hosting family gatherings with abundant food and dealing with the drama of extended family members who you have not seen for a year.  While the intentions may be good, some people dread these other aspects of the holidays but too fearful of letting people down so they go forward with these traditions. 

I am not offering any solutions to these challenges that people face during the holidays but this is more of an encouragement to be aware that holidays are not happy moments for everyone. I believe it is best to be sensitive to other people and not be afraid to ask questions to better understand the people who dread the holidays. That may be the very best gift you can offer; a listening ear and a loving heart. It may be beneficial to take a moment to pause and evaluate the reason for these holidays rather than be consumed with the autopilot responses. If you have the fear of other people’s negative judgments that prevents you from making healthy decisions for yourself and your family, counseling may be beneficial way to sort these things out before making any regretful decisions. It is completely normal to have other emotions besides happiness during the holidays. May we enjoy the holidays for what they were meant to be while being compassionate to others who have different experiences. For more entries like this, please visit me on my blog.